They try to make it your fault. Or shame you into thinking you are the one who is unhealthy. And you have no one to bring it to because they don't have anyone over them. So they are allowed to continue deceiving people. And that is so hard to manage in your own thoughts and emotions. In the course of 4 weeks I learned about 4 Christian leaders I knew personally … or have sat under their teaching … who have been exposed in various areas of misconduct.
Two were men who were more than inappropriate with their female staff. Which is terrible in itself. But the common thread is that all of them were also bullies, controlling and manipulative with people. That is what spiritual abuse is. It may be physical as well, but I'm not going to address that in this particular post. I have had to guard my mind lately too … At my core, I am a justice person. I want to defend my friends. I want to warn others. It's so hard to be still and know He is God in these situations.
But the best thing I can do is to give you a list of warning signs. I want to highlight 25 signs of spiritual abuse so you know you are not alone. And after this list, I will share some brief tips on how to get through it all in a way that honors God, yourself and others.
My advice to those who have been seeking my counsel would fill a book. But here are a few brief things I would like to say to the those who are facing these kinds of trials. I truly believe that love will win. Ask God. In some instances, it's clear that you need to leave. In cases of sexual abuse, you need to go to the authorities.
I have heard of way too many cases where criminal activity was covered up by churches and you need to know it's ok to leave. Other than that, you need to make sure you are following the right way to confront an issue according to Matthew Let God show you what He sees.
Find out what is your responsibility and what isn't. Seek wise counsel. If you're on staff of a church it can be a different scenario and much more complicated. So seek wise counsel. Even with spiritual abuse, there is a right way to handle it and a wrong way. You want to be sure you are in a good place in your heart so you can approach even the spiritually abusive person in love. I'd offer one word of warning … depending on what level of abuse it is … they may not be safe to confront alone or at all.
Move on well. If you choose to leave the situation or church remember those who don't believe you or are still supporting the abusive person aren't those you are called to walk with anyway. End well by not gossiping or sharing your pain with those who may stay. It will only bring more division to the body. Give people who don't understand what you went through the grace to be where God's called them to be.
Find your inner peace. The truth always comes out. Guard your mind and don't let it take up space anymore. Guard your words and speak the truth with humility, grace, and mercy. Give God every reason to defend you. Think upon things that are lovely and good Phil 4. You will become what you think about so use your thoughts wisely.
Don't let bitterness take over. Forgive and find peace. Pray for them. Remember it may not be known to the masses yet because God is still giving them time to repent. Be like Stephen and pray for those who are stoning you — they may end up converting like Saul who became the awsome Apostle Paul. And at some point — it's ok to not pray for them at all. There is no need to stayed emotionally tied to a place God released you from.
Don't feel bad. Be prepared that they may not repent or change … and if they are exposed … it's not your fault. Their choices put them in that position. Not you. Even if you feel like you should've done more, remember God wants you to manage you.
He isn't in a pickle because you weren't strong enough to stand up to the abuse. Because … when it comes as a surprise … no one is strong enough. If you think you are under a spiritually abusive authority, find someone experienced to talk to. Jesus, I apologize for all the sins and omissions which I have just now stated.
I promise to try with Your help and the help of others not to repeat these sins. If I slip and fall, I will try to confess immediately, and turn to You for help. With Your help I will refuse temptation and negative attitudes, especially rejection.
Jesus, I forgive everyone whether they deserve it or not, because You forgave me and held nothing back. Jesus, As you bring to my attention any occult activity, situation, or object that displeases you. I will repent and sever my relationship with it, even if it is very valuable. Jesus, Thank you for becoming a curse on the cross for me, so that I may be freed of all curses that are due to my own sins or the sins of my ancestors.
There has to be a legal right for demonic spiritual activity. Make sure you have removed anything that is not of God that can open doors to the demonic realm. How do you know if you let something in? See the following list: The things we keep in our homes that are an offense to God is a source of evil and could be the open the door to the following:.
Foul, unexplained odors sometimes smell like sulfur. Cause everything they learn about You to become a part of them forever. May they consistently choose life and blessing each day because of the training they receive in our church.
Keep them walking in the truth. Prayer Focus — Lord, I lift up the prayer focus in my church. Make us into a house of prayer. We desire to be clear-minded and self-controlled so that we can pray first, always, continually and thankfully. May everyone recognize that this is Your desire for all and not just a few. Use us to stand in the gap for others. Let there be prayer ministry among us that is powerful and effective.
Spiritual Level — Lord, I lift up the spiritual temperature of my church. Revive us! Refine us so that we burn hot for You. Give us singleness of heart and action so that we always fear You and follow Your precepts. Pour out a spirit of Josiah on us so that we turn to You heart, soul and strength. Open our minds to understand Your Word so that our hearts burn within us.
Holy Spirit, show us any way we are grieving, quenching or resisting You. Convict us and lead us to level ground. Help us keep in step with You as we live by You. Reign in us so that we experience Your freedom. Lead us into grace, life and peace. Spiritual Gifts — Lord, I lift up the use of spiritual gifts in our church. Help us understand the various gifts and how they work. Help us exercise our gifts in love. Help us purify ourselves by obeying the truth so that our love for each other will be sincere, deep and from the heart.
May our love for one another prove that we are Your disciples. Give us a spirit of unity so that we may glorify You with one heart and voice.
Help us accept one another as we clothe ourselves in love. Finances — Lord, I lift up our church finances. May we sow generously into our church without reluctance or compulsion. Make us rich in ways that result in generosity on our part so You will be praised. Keep reminding us of your promise to throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out blessing on all who bring the whole tithe into Your house. Remind us to do good and share with others as a pleasing sacrifice to You.
What happens if such are broken? These probing questions are necessary in elucidating the deep and hidden theological foundations of religious and social practices involving cosmic spiritual and mystical powers and forces. The two means of linking and communicating with the spiritual powers and forces in traditional Africa are presented below.
In his quest to exercise cosmic mystical and spiritual control over his world, man in traditional Africa has developed a variety of religious and social practices, rituals and ceremonies. The means of acquiring or having access to these powers and forces are many. Each is governed by its own set of rules and regulations.
The means becomes very important because it sets its own rules and regulations, which must be followed faithfully. The means determines the religious behaviour and what rites, rituals and ceremonies must be performed so that the desired end can be achieved. The means controls behaviour, practice and even to some extent, feelings and expressions. The powers that grant and distribute the needed commodities become all-powerful while those that receive them become slaves or devotees.
That describes the danger which man in traditional Africa faces in his quest and pursuits of spiritual and mystical powers. What would he not do in order to gain access to mystical and spirit powers? And what would he not do in order to control, retain and keep on using such mystical powers and forces?
The condemnation of many of these practices abound in both traditional religions some prohibitions and abominations and the Holy Bible. Even though the Bible condemns them, the potency and powers usually manifested in this area are powerful.
The Bible does not deny their existence, but rather condemns their practice, use and believe in them. The theological issue here does not lie in the prohibitive act of its condemnation, but rests in two things: 1 the belief in the usefulness of such powers and also the belief in the means and practices of obtaining power and 2 the act of self-giving or the giving of oneself to the authorities or entities that lie behind these powers. A Biblical theology should address: 1 These powers and, if obtained, what will they be used for?
These powers are indeed usurping the central place of God in the life of man. The Bible clearly and emphatically states that these beings are enemies of God and their primary involvement with humans is to keep them away from their Creator and God. Whether these practices are sanctioned or prohibited in the traditional religions, they, however, fall short of Biblical standards. These powers are obtained, not from God, but from his usurpers, the Devil and his demons.
Even those obtained from the divinities, fall short of the Biblical standards too. Divinities cannot be acceptable substitutes of God Himself. In the Bible and Christian theology, only God can exercise power and control over his entire universe. And these become manifest in certain religious practices. Man is aware that many things do go wrong and not all his expectations and needs are always met.
And when things go wrong and expectations and needs are not met, there must be something wrong. Things can be corrected through reconciliation, restoration and the making of peace.
The spirit beings who dispense powers to man are still in charge of the spirit world even when things go wrong. It is the humans who are required to do something so that harmony, peace and fellowship can be restored. What types of offences, or wrongs, violations and sins do humans commit against the spirit world or the spiritual order? If wrongs are admitted, what fears, feelings or guilt do they generate? Who gets hurt when the humans sin or go wrong?
Why is maintaining cosmic harmony and order necessary for man? What specific religious practices, sacrifices and offerings are efficacious in acts of reconciliation and peace making between the humans and the spirit world? Christianity has to address these theological issues and provide Biblical solutions to them.
In the Bible and Christian theology, only God is the rightful means of restoring cosmic and spiritual harmony over his entire universe. A Christian theology of reconciliation becomes relevant here.
Ritual practices are many, depending upon their functions. There are rituals that are communal with fixed annual seasons, hence ceremonial in nature. There are others that are private or do not have any fixed annual calendar, but are practised as needs arise. Rituals and ceremonies play very dominant religious and social functions in African societies.
Traditional rites, rituals and ceremonies all have their foundational beliefs and theological basis. The purpose for such practices must be ascertained. The totality of what is involved in practice must also be ascertained.
Rituals and ceremonies do have their accompanied practices, rules and regulations. These practices, rules and regulations become the means of linking traditional Africans with the spiritual powers and forces. A Christian theology should examine what religious practices, rules and regulations and what spiritual powers and forces are solicited.
Theological models of approaching and addressing the traditional religious practices, rituals, festivals and ceremonies have been well developed in the Old Testament Pentateuch and the New Testament apostolic teachings. There are various practices of spiritual and mystical communication with the spirit world, such as 1 dreams, 2 visions, 3 vision quests and 4 divination and ordeals Steyne, The desire to communicate with the mystical and spirit powers has its basis in the traditional religious beliefs and religious practices.
Why is communication with the spirit world so important? With whom is this communication done, and why? What are the means of communicating with the spirit world? What is the content of this communication and what is it expected to achieve? The Bible has so much to say in this area: 1 the means of communication must be examined in terms of its theology; 2 the content of communication must also be examined in terms of its theological import; 3 who is being communicated to?
Both the act and the means of communication and their means of reception must be examined theologically. Is all communication in the traditional beliefs and practices directed to God or to the lesser beings? Why has man chosen to communicate with the lesser beings rather than God?
Theological models of approaching and addressing the practices relating to spiritual and mystical communication have been well developed in the Old Testament Pentateuch and the New Testament apostolic teachings.
Traditional Africa has a host of specialists who are professionals in their various disciplines, such as 1 priests, 2 medicine men and women, 3 diviners, mediums, sorcerers, witches, wizards and midwives.
Each profession has a set of beliefs, rules and regulations, practices and rituals. Each profession must be examined in terms of its theological foundations, practices, moral and ethical foundations.
Some of these professionals and specialists use mystical and spirit powers, some ordinary human ingenuity and wisdom, while some are cheats or deceivers. How these powers are acquired and used must be examined theologically. The theological models of approaching and addressing the practices relating to the traditional African specialists have been well developed in the Old Testament Pentateuch and the New Testament apostolic teachings. We have identified four basic philosophical foundations in a traditional religious worldview.
These four categories were outlined by Steyne in his study of animism We have adopted and developed them into a comprehensive and coherent philosophical system and worldview, which has enhanced substantially our definition and interpretation of the African traditional religions and cultures. These categories are classified as:. The philosophical foundations complement the theological foundations of the previous section. This is a holistic or an organic view of the world, which is governed by the law of harmony.
The traditional African seeks to live in harmony and to balance his life in a harmonious and peaceful existence with his entire world and especially with the spirit world.
The terms organic or holistic are similar. He defines the concept in the following way:. The sky, the spirits, the earth, the physical world, the living and the deceased all act, interact and react in consort. The universe, the spirit world and man are all part of the same fabric. How does man see himself and relate to his world with this organic or holistic view of life? He interacts with them and they in turn interact with him. We can understand how Western dualism creates serious theological problems for the traditional Africans who have an organic or holistic view of life.
Christian theology should use this traditional African worldview to develop a relevant and effective theology for Africans.
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