If you do decide to have a roommate, please check them out or have a friend move in. Just be safe no matter what you decide. Hugs my dear I completely understand!! My love died 3 years ago! It came on suddenly and he was gone 2 weeks after being diagnosed. We loved each other the best we knew how, loved our animals and lived a quiet existence. Not very many friends, but we had each other. I have family that checks in daily but its not the same. The only time I hear from them is if I reach out.
I miss my husband so much and I feel we were cheated out of this time now that I was able to retire! I feel nothing where before I could look to the sky and say thank you , now nothing. The only thing that gets me through this ,besides my pets and our family, is believing that at some point, my love will come to take me home with him and we will be together once more. I hope for peace at some level for us all!
I feel exactly the same way. I lost my beautiful husband only 2 days ago to Covid. I feel that life will have no joy and if I could I would just lay down and hope to never wake up.
Judy, I am so sorry, you are still in shock. Believe it or not, I slept with a stuffed bear for comfort. It is one I have had for a long time. I held it all night. I also would wake up and write David letters in a journal. The journal says everything, good, bad, right wrong, anger, sadness, happiness. At first, I needed the bear and the journal every night because I was so distressed. Gradually, I stopped needing the bear and only use the journal when I am overwhelmed by something.
It has gotten better most of the time but only as I work to create a new life and try not to find out why it did not happen as we planned. There is a wonderful book called Second Firsts that helped me tremendously. This book is about a parent who suddenly lost their child. Inch by inch you will be able to live. I will not say it is smooth sailing sometimes when start to fall asleep I ask God when I can join him.
But the next day, I feel okay again. Just keep busy and plan forward as hard as that is. Great advice JoAnn.
And that is it, you surely will feel better as time goes on. We have no choice but to move forward. We still have are memories, hurts to think of them in the beginning, but again, as time goes on, those painful memories become sooo important, as they become a source of sweet comfort.
Love yourself. We had just sold our home in Wisconsin and were buying a home in Florida. He did not. I ended up buying the house on my own. Selling the RV, purchased a new car and my Nephew drove me to Florida. We got here yesterday. Unpacking all the stuff my husband and I had brought down earlier. The struggle is so deep.
I am in a daze, but keep moving literally one step at a time. I cry so much. I have experienced severe panic attacks where my body convulses and my heart feels like it is jumping out of my chest. He would be 70 this month. I am I miss him so much……I am so lost……………. Oh Patty, so sorry to hear that. It is really good to keep moving, but you have to allow yourself the time to grieve too. Takes time to go thru all the memories.
Wish you well and take care. Do you have any suggestions? The loneliness is unbearable. Even when people have family, loneliness still sets in. Pen pal friends are an option for you. It is nice having someone to talk besides yourself, lol.
Us women are tough, hang in there. Hi I am forming a small support informal support group if you are interested See above Mel. My husband died three months ag I. I find the most difficult thing sleeping alone in the house at night and generally being alone. I miss him all the time and cry endlessly some days.
I feel guilt living without him. Survivor guilt. Then, I realized God made the choice, not me and that seemed to help a little bit. I sat in my chair in the living room and dozed off for half the night in the beginning but was waking up with neck pain. I miss my husband terribly and have cried every day, multiple times, since he died.
Life will never be the same without him. The closeness is what I miss. Knowing I had him to be my safety net brought me such peace. That is exactly how I feel, almost guilty because I am still here.
His death was unexpected, three months ago. I talk to him all the time. I have never paid accounts before so had to learn how to do that.
Bank accounts were blocked because they were in his name so I had to change all direct debit accounts to my account. Very stressful! Feel very lonely, especially at meal time and bed time. How long will it take to get used to this lonlieness? Helen, I slept in a different bed for a while. It was a cot, eventually I was able to go to my own bed. It will come but the grief can be unbearable.
Im very sorry for your loss. It will take time to heal and change seems to be good. Focus on the good times and honor him. I wish you the best and stay strong! My husband of 35 years passed away in October of I am broken and so sad. I miss him every minute. He was the Love of my Life! Now I am facing Loneliness and financial disparity. I am thinking I need to get a roommate to help me with the mortgage.
But I am so distraught all I can do is cry! I was always a self motivated person. Now it takes everything I have to get moving. I wish you and yours the best! Yes, I lost my husband 2 months ago.
I have a mortgage and need help help with it also. Where and what do I do?????? Rent some rooms out — work death insurance fo your husband? Rent rooms out? Apply for social assist? I understand you completely. And sorry for your loss. I lost my future wife 5 months ago and it still feels like it was yesterday. Im in the same boat as you. Now before you give uo have you tried to get social security survivor benefits?
My husband also took his own life. It was back on Feb 10, What I have learned, both through counseling and attending many suicide survivor support groups, is the supposed reason has no bearing on getting through your grief. Find yourself a counselor trained and with experience in suicide grief and attend suicide survivor support groups. There are many online. There is no way to the other side, except through it. So sorry for your loss. One year. God how I. Lonely and.
God tells. Us he has. Plan for. Us to prosper. Have not. Family and because. Covid I. Not have. Church, the. Weekends are the.
Hardest with. I think. Thousands of. Not help. No one. Calls much. God is a. To the. Children that does help but. Lives together. Keep trusting. God he. Say he. Leave us. Comfort less. My husband took his own life in front of me about 2 weeks ago. We have 3 children together.
He never got over his ex wife and 2 sons. I pushed our marriage to survive for a good 10 years. And he still left me. It pains me so much that he didnt let me move on although we both were very toxic to eachother. I knew he was never mine from the start. He took his life because he couldnt stand another day of missing his ex wife and being with me. But he couldnt bare the fact of seeing me with someone else.
My heart and chest aches everyday. When can I breathe again. This is very sad. I could feel it. I think I realized over time that I was not the one. What your did was cruel. I hope you can move on because no one should be treated this way by a person they love. And killing himself in front of you is a sign of a serious mental issue you had no control over.
I hope you can find the love of your life. This very helpful. Back in March i lost the mother of our daughter and future wife. I miss her so much. My 72 year old husband had a stroke Dec. The week before he was working delivering meals to older folks. He had stage 4 lung cancer that metastasized. He was only a fraction of that weight at the end. We were married in , second marriage for us both.
Mind you it is only 10, and his cremation had to be taken out of that. Our son lives a few blocks away and does the lawn for me. A week ago Saturday I had to have our cat put down. We decided not to get anymore as we wanted to travel and Steve was a few years from retiring. I miss my husband so much. I miss the phone calls and texts during the day. He had a job that gave us day weekends and we loved it. I had cancer 3. We got each other through. Now, to have to do life alone is scary.
Losing the cat suddenly he had been drooling for a few weeks and it got worse and found out he had jaw cancer and was in pain opened the wound of losing Steve. Was healing just a little. I need to know how to navigate. The word forever wipes me out: Forever no more vacations, hugs, kisses, etc.
We fell asleep at night facing each other holding hands. We were married 27 years. What purpose did it serve to take these men away from us. No secret way to get thru this, just remember the good times we were blessed to be with them, eventho we want more of them. No one is judging you. My husband of 51 years also died nine months ago-I am devastated!
I can honestly say that I understand, Janet. My husband and I were married 52 years and he died in September of Our son had died in and that was devastating, as he lived with us, but we somehow got through it because we could lean on each other.
Now there is no one for me to lean on. I have a church family, and we usually go to lunch together after services on Sunday, but then I get to watch all of them go home TOGETHER, as I go home, once again, to a silent house and sit alone from one until bedtime. Everyday, every little thing was fun because of him, and we loved to travel. But traveling alone or with a friend is just not the same.
The loneliness is overwhelming. Only those of us who are going through this can really understand. I feel your pain. Yo have been that close and then to lose him must break your heart.
Now I feel totally empty and detached from everything around me even though I have a loving family. No one can really help because nothing can compensate for what you had. But we still have to wake up every morning and live another day. Take care my dear x. Thank you for writing Irene. I appreciate it. Sorry for your loss. I pray for strength and do the best I can. I wish you good spirits, strength and enlightenment through this unexpected journey. Peace to you and your family.
He has like a father to my husband. I am 48 and left with two teens to raise. Both my kids are struggling and attend therapy. I tried to have a therapist but all I do is talk about my kids. I am currently looking for a widow group to join as I think being around others and see how it works for them could be great therapy.
I join iconnect groups at FaithChurch online when possible but I am very lonely. Maybe some of what I do will help or inspire you to just do something just keep moving. Janet, I totally understand. Same here with doing everything together. I had to go for an eye exam alone today. We did all that together.
He and the Dr shared the same bd and would talk about gardening, etc. I pray for strength every day and know God will never leave us or forsake us. This is a terribly hard road. I am on facebook Phyllis Dizenzo Franco. Except for the RV and texting part, Janet, you could be describing the life I shared with my best friend.
I am beyond devastated. I read the other posts and I am in full agreement with the feelings. My husband died in December of , leaving me and our 2 teens. Both of them suffer with trauma due to our attempts at parenting and some things they have that were late diagnosis. This makes the grieving process harder because I need to focus on them and then on me.
My son just came back home. My mom was kind enough to allow him to stay with her and she helped him grow through things while I kept my daughter to give her one on one help. I find it hard for anyone to understand this and how weak I feel. I miss my husband so much and I just want to show him how much I have grown as a person and parent and I want to honor him as I should have.
Our house was in chaos and we were all struggling but could not see our part in this. They say that boys will be men so I guess this book would have worked for me and my husband too. I feel like such a failure and want to make all the wrongs right. Vicky, Please accept my condolences.
The loss of a loved one is difficult all the way round. However, the loss of a spouse AND having to parent on your own is totally overwhelming. Your children grieve in different ways and yet you are left with supporting their grief but unable to deal with your own.
One held it in and my younger son expressed it all over the place. I was out of my mind with grief and there were many times where I would run into my room and close the door. You mentioned guilt. Oh yes. Did I do everything right? Am I doing everything right? Probably not. One step at a time. Its a big deal. Try not to be so hard on yourself as you are doing what you can to survive the loss of your spouse, companion and love.
Take courage. Ask our loving and compassionate God to guide and give you rest. He helped me survive. Thank you I really needed to hear that this is normal; that I am normal. I am trying to join a group for others going through this as maybe it will help. I tried individual counseling but all I talk about are my kids and nothing about my struggles. I am hoping a group setting will steer the conversation better.
I needed your response as I just ordered a charm for my bracelet that is a firefly and says you light up my life in rememberence of my husband and the glow part fell off this morning.
It seemed like a bad sign and then I received your message of hope and things are in a better perspective. Thank you. Wow your hanging in there thats great.
I commend you for trying. I read it will get easier as time goes on Ull pray for you. You cannot beat yourself up over the past and create a future where you make up for your past.
I did that after my husband died. I felt I could have saved him, but I did not have that kind of power. I only have the power to keep going. I pray you will soon accomplish your new goals. Everything feels like such a blur.
I was married 44 years and he had 3 terminal illnesses when he died. I was grateful that my son and wife and my grandson and I were all at his bedside all night until he took his last breath. Now I am alone and the house is so quiet. Just me and our darling little dog Lulu. Thank God for her. My daughter and my husband keep showing up in my dreams and I feel blessed to see them. I guess I will just keep living from moment to moment.
Pam, All I can say is that you are nowhere near alone in your grief. There are so many of us who are grieving the loss of one we loved so much. Put your love and energy into your son and his family. They love you and you are the Matriarch of the family. You have no idea how precious you are to them! Your husband is now living a life in Paradise and his wish for you is to be happy here on Earth and enjoy your life. All our loved ones want the best for us, and believe me — I know how hard it is to try and move on and put a smile on our face.
I am grieving so much now I have tears as I write this. I want to bury my head in my pillow and wake up to find this past month was all just a bad dream. Some people handle it better than others, all I know is that the gut-wrenching pain is so real and hard to alleviate. If you have your family nearby and can spend time with them that will most assuredly help. BUT- there are those who do deeply feel with us and we can take some solace by talking with them or even just sitting in silence together.
I sincerely wish you the best for the rest of your life, and that you will no doubt feel joy in your life again. Pete, I just read your post and it helped me. The part about our loved ones want the best for us, etc. At times I feel going on without my husband and maybe smiling is disrespect to Steve. He lived to make me happy and I miss everything about him. He was I had a milder case and had to deal with the survivor grief along with everything else.
We have a son who ironically we adopted after his birth parents died, who lives a few blocks from me. Had to have our cat put down 3 weeks ago. No more vacations, hugs, hand holding, having someone to do life with, etc. The emotional pain is overwhelming. Now, having to handle everything in the house myself adds to the burden. They say the deeper the love, the deeper the grief and I believe that.
We were married almost 27 years. He was the most amazing man. Thanks for taking the time to read this Pete. Take care, Phyllis. I lost my husband a few months ago and I am having great difficulty dealing with it. My father had died of lung cancer that spread to his brain. I fell heads over heels in love with my husband, but he smoked.
I could not go through losing another loved one like that and told him that I would not get serious about him unless he quit.
He promised me he would and we got married and had a wonderful 32 year marriage. Right before he retired, he had a kidney stone attack and when he was in the hospital, they discovered that he had kidney cancer.
I was in the hospital with him and the doctor was taking his medical history. He admitted to the doctor that he had been smoking all the years I thought he had quit.
When I would smell a trace of smoke when he came home, he told me that it was from the workers he supervised. He worked as a hotel manager and spoke to the employees in the locker room when they changed into uniforms.
I felt like I had been punched in the chest; could not breathe. I almost fainted. He told me that he had tried to quit, but it was too hard.
His health continued to deteriorate after that and he developed heart failure, diabetes, etc. He fell and had to have a hip implant. Even after these major illnesses, he would not really take care of himself. I tried to do everything I could to help him, with his diet, stress, etc.
Sometimes, he would not do his exercises or test his blood sugar. I would yell at him to take care of himself. He was getting frail and not moving much because he was stuck in the house due to the pandemic. We finally got the first shot of the vaccine and I was so hopeful that we could have some kind of future, finally.
He started to have have attacks when he would lose control of his legs and fall. I was exhausted and frightened because I had never seen him like this. He also hyperventilated and seemed to be struggling to breathe. I reached out to his doctor and he thought that he might be depresssed or have anxiety.
He prescribed medication. He continued to get worse and I called emergency 3 times. Each time, except for the last, they sent him back home. I had nowhere to turn. The last attack he had, he told me he felt like he was going to die and complained of chest pain. They kept him in the hospital this time until he died. They wanted to put him in hospice, but he died before they could. When he told me that he thought he was going to die and that I was the love of his life, I told him that he was the love of my life, but I was so upset that he lied to me about smoking for all those years.
I feel like he threw our future away. When he was in the hospital, I told him again, shortly before he died, that he was the love of my life and even though he was very weak, he kissed me goodbye. I feel so guilty that I was angry at him for lying to me.
I feel like I should not have told him to not eat carbs because of his diabetes, because of the damage to his heart, what did it matter. He was in bad shape for close to ten years before he died. I tried the best I could to take care of him, but I feel like I had been too nagging, too harsh.
I cannot get past my feelings of guilt. I feel like I should have tried more toward the end to be more compassionate and understanding. I never thought he would die. The hospital told me to look for a rehab facility, because they were going to discharge him.
Then he took a turn for the worse and he was gone. I am sitting here crying because I need someone to tell me that I did the best I could for him. I feel like I failed him. I have a therapist but it is not helping. I miss him so much. I held his hand every night before we fell asleep. When I wake up now, my hand is clenched like his hand is still there. He deserved a better end. How do I get past this? Sorry for such a long post….. But you have to go thru these emotions in order to let go, a little at a time, and it hurts, you will reflect on so much, one day at a time…….
Linda, Please ask Jesus into your heart. He will show you how to forgive yourself because He took our sins upon Himself and forgives everyone of us. Absolutely no one is without sin. From what I read here, you have not sinned so much as you tried to trust that you could help your husband without he, himself being responsible for his own behavior. Love never dies and your husband loves you from Heaven and so does Jesus.
Perhaps a Bible Study or Church Group could give you domestic lean on that looks upon death in the Christian manner that life is not ended, only transformed. You will see your beloved husband again! God bless you! So cut yourself some slack — And live.
And laugh and discover new things about life. Linda, you did not fail him. He failed himself. You did everything you could. He too had lots of longevity in his family, although there are heart issues within and I blame myself for not making him get his heart checked out. Might have made no difference.. You were the best wife you could be. Take care of yourself. We will eventually be fine. Linda: Be kind to yourself. I can tell you loved your husband enough to be mad that he was not trying to be healthy.
Let that go and know he was lucky to have someone that cared for him. I am a 64 years old man. Allow me to share something with you.
I am a volunteer serving at the information desk in one of the Washington DC airports. Last week, due to the storm in the south, many flights were canceled the night I served in the information desk. A lady came to the desk seeking information about the hotel so that she could stay one night and continue her journey the next morning.
At that moment, there was a big crowd in front of the desk. Everyone was swamped by the sudden unwelcome situation while desperate to find a place to stay. It was late in the evening and extremely noisy as well. Reading through the messages in her cell, I called the hotel designated by the Airline.
It was late and the front desk first responded that the free shuttle was not available. After negotiating, the front desk agreed to have the shuttle come and pick up the lady. I then tried to share the location to board the shuttle. At that right moment, the lady collapsed emotionally. Taking a deep breath, I decided to walk her to the shuttle waiting area, while my volunteer colleague told me it was the time we shall wrap up our shift that night. I did. On our way to the shuttle waiting area, she dragged her bag across the airport.
I was tempted to help her but unfortunately I had light back pain. We reached the shuttle waiting area. There was a crowd too. Weather was muggy. Nothing was nice, kind and friendly. Shuttle came slowly, one after another.
Intentionally, I had the lady and myself stand away from the crowd. When each shuttle arrived, I asked the lady to stay and I walked over to check the shuttle. While waiting, she slowly told me about her loss of husband two years ago. Her husband would handle everything without letting her go through all these situations. Tears kept coming down while she talked about her passed husband. I felt extremely sorry. I knew, tonight, I had to do my best to comfort and help an aching soul.
It was a twenty minutes wait, but it felt like two hours. Finally I spotted her shuttle arrived, after I checked and talked to the bus driver.
Before boarding the bus, she gave me a hug. But I knew I needed to and have to!!! I asked the driver to help her bag and made sure she sat in the bus comfortably. I also told the driver to take good care of her even though it was only a four-mile drive from the airport to the hotel.
May I humbly share my thoughts. First, whenever possible, if there is a kind soul next to you, please share your sorrow and ache, I know it hurts but it helps you to release the emotion.
I know it will make you miss your love one more. On the other hand, you let your soul live and continue to live. You deserve all the chances to let tears come down freely, to miss him, but also love yourself.
Second, when you have no choice, you have to travel solo. Think thoroughly and prepare before beginning your journey. Thank you so much for sharing your story, John. You have made a huge difference to that widowed traveler, and the echoes will last forever. My husband died on June 12, We had been married 20 years in April. He had central sleep apnea and a lot of other health problems including diabetes and was in a lot of pain from neuropathy and other chronic pain issues.
I had been bugging him to wear his CPAP machine for over six months. He had been doing so well wearing it for years but all of a sudden he stopped wearing it and said he needed to clean it better, even though he had a so clean machine.
He kept saying he needed to clean the tube out but I told him to just buy a new one. My husband and I were closer than close. I have muscular dystrophy and a lung disease that may kill me and my husband helped me with everything. He never ever complained and we were best friends. He still is my best friend. He will always be my husband. For the first four days all I did was scream loud and cry and scream. I had found him in bed and he had been passed away.
What I saw was awful. How can you leave me I asked myself. He promised we would always be together and that he was fine. So now I sleep holding the sweatpants he wore the day before he died because they still smell of his cologne.
I just cry and cry. I just want to be alone. I just want to be alone and cry and miss him. I want him to come back. Every single day he told me how beautiful I was and how perfect I was. And every single day we told each other we loved each other every other sentence. How am I supposed to live without him. How am I supposed to go on when he was my best friend.
My strength right now is for him. Making arrangements. I made them let me go to the cremation. My son pushed his cremation coffin into the machine and push the button to shut the door. I just kept saying and I mean it but anything he Hass to go through we will go through with him. I will go through with them. And now his chair is empty. I believe that God has better plans and they are not for us to suffer. Yes you are suffering heartbreak but he is no longer suffering.
We never know the cries of our loved ones. My husband continued to call Jesus name all the way to the hospital. What were they saying to each other? He never left the hospital. I know it is hard right now but the small victories are to be celebrated. Making it another day is a victory.
Pouring into others during your struggle is a victory. You never know if that compliment or that email to someone might change their life. God has a plan for you, to do what he wants you to do.
For me I try to do good things in his name showing my love and honor for him. It helps me get by. You have got this. Remain in the happy moments.
I lost my darling hubby on June 8th. He was my rock, my best friend, soulmate, confidante and so on etc etc etc. My boys have taken it hard, even at 29 and After my husband passed, one of many things I had to adjust to was doing thing alone. At first I felt like the only woman in the world who lost the love of my life, but thru the years I have found many other ladies in the same situation. It really helps. God Bless U. Ladies, Sad, as I read that I am not alone!
I lost my spouse of 40plus years two months ago. I did cry lots and lots, but I was relieved to know that he was not suffering anymore from extreme nausea and pain for three years. I was selfish in wanting to be the one who died first. I believe as women we are stronger at times more than our spouses.
I grieved a lot while my husband was alive and did not realize it, until his passing. My heart aches but I know I will get beyond the point of feeling lost, confused, lonely and heart broken. I have tried to make the bad days busy! I joined the local gym with a indoor pool.
Many ladies that are widows are there. They have been so sweet and kind to me. Encouraging me to push through. I cry in the shower and thank God for these little blessings in my life. I have also tried to join or volunteering at local Senior Centers giving out food. It makes me feel like I am being a part of something that helps others and it takes my mind off the loss.
I do not have the answers but like many of you am lost and trying to find my way through the stages of grief and loss. I found myself doing the most odd things; putting what I thought was lotion on for weeks, it was special hand soap, I put creamer in the coffee maker instead of coffee laugh ladies I laugh out loud when these things happen instead of crying!
I am trying to find some things that help me get past the worst part. We are strong together. We can learn how strong we are by moving forward. Hello Tammy, firstly I empathise with you and the very recent loss of your husband. The PDF will open in a new tab, and there will be a download button on the top right.
I am going to frame it and take it as a hostess gift at Thanksgiving to my daughter-in-law who now does all the cooking for the holiday. The artwork is lovely!
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